Get me closer to God
by Nuky
Summary: Levi: But if the Savior made her worthy, who are you to reject her? Surely the Savior knew her very well. For this reason he loved her more than us. Tobias Hankel/Rafael/Charles/OC/Reid fiction.
1. Chapter 1

_-Get me closer to God-_

_~*_Psalms 27:10) 10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahweh will take me up._*_

She'd been running, disorientated and frightened. The dark never had been her best friend and after losing track of the muddy road it became her worst enemy. Ipod plugged in coaching her dirty sneakers to moving faster and faster. With lungs ready to collapse, the sharp in and exhales for air, twigs cut her face open and thorns hooked into her swaying hair. Eventually she had to stop, close her eyes and us her used up energy to focus and stay conscious. Backpack digging into her shoulders, heavy from childhood memories till the basic needs, tampons and cigarettes.

When she'd been five there had been a tornado alert, the roof of her house had been swept away like a piece of old news from the papers. Once getting out of the basement, seeing her house being demolished and seeing her cat being staked to the fence she'd seen a therapist for three years. Forty-five minutes, every week. On Wednesday afternoon, a spoiler of the day that she could have spent playing with her friends or helping dad out in the yard.

_Breath in, breath out, go to a safe place, breath in, breath out_. She used to have panic attacks at school, show and tell being her worse nightmare. She used to stutter too, long ago, scared to be the centre of the universe. _Breath in, breath out, go to your safe place_.

Control seeped back while sweat ran down her back, sticking the fabric of her sweater to her skin. Eventually she found a dirty road that lead to asphalt. That humble bit of civilization, after hours being lost in the woods gave her confidence. Made her overconfident, music keeping her on her feet and keeping all the dark and spooky nightlife out of her head.

With a clear mind there is no fear, just response and actions. Sleep was what she needed, she knew she had to gain back some energy. But sleeping in a ditch, with the danger of being raped or eaten by coyotes she chose to walk until she found shelter, of any kind.

Her backpack started to gain more weight while her doubt leaned heavy on her shoulders. Step by step she kept stumbling, fighting sleep, exhaustions and still that lurking fear of the night sky and all the dangers that brought it along.

She never heard it coming, she didn't see it coming because she'd squeezed her eyes tightly shut the moment her pupils contracted from the sudden light boost of light. 'Deer caught in headlights' had never been so bittersweet.

A pickup truck smashed into her body, but by the time the metal of the bumper hit her chest it had felt like her mind had floated someplace else. _A safe place, breath in, breath out_. And that had been what she'd done. Some survivors of a trauma, a near death experience would have called it an out of body experience. She'd called it, the same thing her childhood therapist had called it, _go to a safe place_.

This all happened 14 months and eighteen days ago. Could be a few days more, could be a few days less. The counting of days hadn't been her main priority, simply a line to hold onto. A timeline, nothing solid, but enough to keep her sane. Keep her breathing, in and out and every once in a while hide into that safe place. _Breath in, breath out_.

.-.-.

_I haven't updated or posted anything on this site for a long time. But this is a side project of my usual stories. Before you read more of it, lemmy explain a little. The storyline from The Big Game and Revelation won't match with the real episodes. I'm just a little of a freak and found Tobias one of the most interesting Unsubs of the show and after digging through a lot of fanfiction I found about none that got into details of his character or illness. In case you were wondering, this isn't going to be slash and it's not going to be about Reid. It'll be about Tobias, Rafael and Charles. About the bible, sinners and yeah a little Stockholm syndrome for the fun of it. Chapter will probably be short, I won't update every day and there will be some verbs from the bible. So far, still with me? Then welcome to the story, happy at least one of you sinners joined._

_X Nuky _


	2. Chapter 2

_~*_Matthew 21:25__John's baptism—where did it come from? Was it from heaven, or from men?"_*~_

What saved her had been her middle name, her Christian name. Samantha Mary Jones. And the tiny silver cross she wore around her neck, a sixteen birthday gift from her nana, _you'll need a little faith_ she'd muttered soft. Her grandmother had probably been right, at that time, but that time was long gone now. Time was merely the days she counted without a specific reason. And Sunday school, school in general, without taking psychology as an extra class she probably wouldn't have lasted so long. Without the years of forty-five minutes on every Wednesday afternoon she would have been killed a long time ago. And realizing that, every more day she counted she wondered if the act she played was worth it. Losing her name, her real name and change it into that of a holy virgin.

To Mary, giving up every last bit of her previous life. Her childhood burned within the backpack, her spare years as a teen put in the stove, her material belongings like books, clothes her Ipod and phone being destroyed by flames, eating away the plastic and fabric with greed and joy.

She died that night, lungs filled with water and body cleaned. A second baptism, a new beginning.

Not another life, because her previous years where gone, as if they never existed. She burned that night, both wrist scorned by the mark of the Lord. A cross branded on her skin so that she would never forget the words imprinted in her mind body and soul: _Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him._

.-.-.


End file.
